Passion

PASSION

I have always thought of myself as a passionate person. Not sure why. Maybe when I am measured up next to someone who is quiet, I can see myself as passionate. Or perhaps it is because I can get loud when I am defending myself or a point of view that I have. Or maybe it is because of the fact that when I am doing something that I like, my attention is focused on that which I am doing. But now, as I sit alone here in my study, I have to question, "Am I really passionate?"

Yesterday, my fiance spent the whole day taking pictures of places where he grew up - places from which his family hailed. He spent hours talking to people about his heritage. He took two things he is passionate about - photography and genealogy - and married them in such a beautiful way. Then he came home and 

talked more about his day that I have ever heard him talk before. He has passion!

I get on the computer and I scroll through Pinterest and YouTube looking at things I like and I constantly come across websites and videos of people who are passionate about something. They want the world to know that they LOVE what they do, whether it be crafting, reading, blogging, writing novels, teaching how to do things...it is a powerful force - passion.

This definition was taken from the encyclopedia:

Passion (from the Latin verb patere meaning to suffer) is a term applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion, compelling enthusiasm or desire for anything.

You know what I am talking about, don't you? I am sure that if you were honest with yourself you would find that there is a hobby, a person, a topic that you are passionate about. I think that is marvelous! I honestly do. But at the same time, can I say..."I am completely jealous"?  Those of you who know me would think I am being completely ridiculous. But before you completely dismiss my admission, please hear me.

Sometimes I feel as if I am a little tree which is blown to and fro in the wind - the winds that come from one direction in the form of "writing" and then the next direction in the form of "crafting." I really like doing those things. Honestly. But then I get started on something because that "passion" is ignited and then a slight breeze blows, perhaps in the form of technology and I get sidetracked. I want nothing more than to get excited about the new electronic gadget. I get a little consumed. Oh, but then the breeze of reading comes along and I just start collecting every book I can and spend countless hours curled up wherever I can, reading. I can get very passionate about reading. But, darn it, another breeze blows me in the direction and I want nothing more than to research all of my family history. I seems like nobody else is as "passionate" about is as I am.

Now, some would say, "Petra, there is nothing wrong with liking all of those things and even participating in them." Of course I understand that, but that's not the point, is it? I desire to have the passion, not to do lots of things fairly well, but to do something well, and passionately to the point where it somehow defines who I am. I don't want the legacy of being the one who was swayed by each passing breeze. There simply isn't enough time in my days to pursue a multitude of interests so vehemently.  I want to be propelled out of bed in the morning to pursue something and not be satisfied until I complete something that fuels my passion. I want to lay in bed, trying to sleep, but being consumed by how I want to work on that something with passion.

Trying to discover the passionate side without being overwhelmed is difficult. Because one person might suggest I devote my time and attention to one area solely based on the fact that they either understand that particular thing or they have been impressed with something I have done. But people are different, aren't they? And therefore another person will encourage me to pursue something that maybe interests them. But passion comes from within each person and one cannot compel another person to be passionate for selfish reasons. Each person must discover for themselves their passion, that motivating desire that brings joy to their soul and makes their eyes dance and flicker when they speak about it.

I guess that's the answer. I must listen, not to the words that come out of my mouth of what my desires are, but listen to my heart. What makes my heart skip a beat when I speak about it? What makes my soul sing when I am doing it? This is what I desire. I want to find the song in my spirit. I want to dance, perhaps not literally, when I think about my passion.

I challenge you as well to find that passion within you. Don't be ashamed or hide from it because you don't think others will find it silly. What they will see, if they really care about you, is the life that you are living. The joy in your heart and the light in your eyes. What kind of world would we be a part of (even our small part) if we all saw the light in each other instead of faults?

Just a little rambling,

Petra