So, here I sit at my computer, trying to figure out how to write about writing.  This SHOULD be easy for me since I call myself a writer, yet I am finding it increasingly difficult. Really can't put my finger on "why."

For those of you who have known me for a long time you may have followed my journey through the last three years on my other blogs.  You have seen some high and low moments.  Moments of victory as well as moments of defeat.  Some may have even recogized good writing while you may have also seen some bad writing.  But one thing has stayed pretty consistent (although incosistently), I write.

Looking back, I see I have always been a writer.  Since my earliest recollections, I have written notes and kept diaries.  I have written cards and long letters which some have noted were the length of novels.  I have written for fun and have written for school.  But I have always written.  I feel that somehow I can express myself more succinctly in written form than I can in spoke form.  It can be detrimental at times, however, because some can use my words against me.  But that isn't my point.  The point is, I am a writer.  I must write. Even when I am not putting pen to paper, I am formulating a thought to expound upon in my journal, blog, or even my current novel.

But here is the quagmire in which I find myself - to whom am I to write?  My journal is, of course, my own personal thoughts and I rarely share those thoughts with anyone. But what about the other stuff?  Is that to be kept to myself?  Am I to pick a person and write as if I am writing for them?  I mean, what is the purpose of writing a blog if one doesn't expect anyone else to read it?  What is the purpose of writing a novel or a self-help book if nobody else will ever see the contents?   

Recently I made a good friend who graciously allowed me to read her book.  I was so grateful, since it had never been published and she wrote it just for the sake of writing it.  It gave me a real sense of who the woman really was. She must be confident in herself, humble, and tremdously trusting.  It made me think a little. Those are the very virtues I would like to attain.  But if I am constatnly vying to get attention for my work, then that works against the very things that I am trying to accomplish.

With that in mind I am going to continue writing. Yes, I understand that what I write on this blog is for all eyes, and I am ok with that.  I am not going to hold my breath and keep my fingers crossed hoping someone comments on someething or praises me, or even gives me constructive criticism.  It's out of my control.  As far as my novel goes, I will work on it in my own way and at my own pace. (FYI - right now I am at a standstill and need to work on some personal issues before continuing.) But I have other story ideas. Other beginnings that need to be continued. And a journal that is always open to recieve what my heart has to say.

I want to encourage you, if you have a story to tell - even if it is to your own children - write it down. You may not be a writer, but everyone has a story to tell.  If you ARE a writer, please let me encourage you to just be patient with yourself.  We are told to be patient with everyone, but sometimes we have nothing left to give ourselves. We need to allow ourselves the freedom to write, even if everyone else finds it terrible.  If we are writing, it becomes ours and we will treasure it always, even if only as a lesson in "what not to do."

Moving towards a better "me,"

Petra

P.S. I look forward to sharing my thoughts on a relatively new subject for me when we discuss books. NOT that books are a new thing for me but there is a genre of them that is.